therapy.

am reminded of how therapeutic john mayer’s music can be after a long day of driving, in a week of tests.

happy birthday friend! thanks for the cake (:

on course.

never thought it’ll come to a day where i’ll say something like this:

i really miss 39. missing mostly the friends, the platoonmates not on course. the guys whom i’ve bunked and lived with for the past 4 months. learning to drive is not as great as i had anticipated it to be. Save for the stayout, i really wouldn’t have minded not being on course, in retrospect. how we take our acclaimed best cookhouse for granted. my vote goes to 39 cookhouse anyday. i dread the practical driving lessons daily, partly because it is human to make mistakes and instructors don’t like you making mistakes, and honestly, i’m kinda intimidated by my instructor. lastly, i’d rather get tekaned by my commanders than scolded by my instructors. enough said.

i foresee the hassle of university applications. but i know i’m going to have to plough through anyway.

these few weeks ahead are going to be a very busy and tiring few weeks. yes, course can be quite hard on you when they keep telling you that chances of passing the tests are frightfully slim. it doesnt help that practical lessons are more tiring than i had expected, especially on a hot afternoon.

i want to be studying. i want to be enrolled in a university and have the relief of knowing i am starting school next month. but that would be lying to myself.

its always harder than you think it is. emotionally, spiritually, its taking a toll on me, whatever it is that i’m going through. this culmination of seemingly insurmountable yet unfounded fears, of hopes and dreams, of expectations to live up to, of living a life that is holy and acceptable. but nobody said it was easy.

but i take heart in James 1:2-4.

Thank you Lord.

sunday duty

just some things i jotted down. weekend duties are the worst to experience, because they’re horribly long and tiring, more so if you are doing rounds.

here goes.

enthusiasm effused into fatigue

witnessing the beauty of His creation in the handiwork of the skies, clouds, greenery across a lake

watching a random wakeboarder practice jumps in the water

peeling fresh rambutans plucked off a tree

chancing (embarrassingly) upon two stray dogs mating

listening to bloc party, reading Muhammad Yunus

forging new friendships, strengthening present bonds

famous amos cookies, bonjour chocolate loaf, Mac’s chicken nuggets.

drenched uniforms, drudged through many checkpoints.

it wasn’t too bad after all, looking at the good things that happened.

learning to drive a jeep now. STAYOUT for a month! woohoo.

in limbo.

that is currently my state of mind.

the anticipation of losing your Sunday to guard duty, the slight loneliness of being at home with your family while they’re all taking time off for siesta, the idea of missing church service, the missing of friends that i was with earlier in the day. all of that in my head, disrupting my emotional state.

there is a sense of meaninglessness. i want to pick up my guitar and learn a song, but then again i don’t feel like it. i just put down my bass. i look up democracy on the internet. i check out facebook. i am at wordpress typing this post. ecclesiastes chapter 1 comes to mind. i want to do something purposeful, but at the moment, cannot figure out what. i think about the future, and consider what it may bring, meandering down my stream of thought, finding myself nowhere, lost in transit. i am floating along the river of consciousness. i seem to be making no sense. aha. i glance around me, looking at objects on my table.

i should have stayed a while longer. maybe i’ll write a song. its almost time for dinner.

PS: please do pardon my lack of coherence. it is very much appreciated (:

in transit.

sometimes when you look at a particular word for too long a time, it begins to look strange, unfamiliar even.

try it.